Negative Input

A relationship that has 10 or more negative comments per day from 1 spouse is 5 times more likely to fail. Think about that, That is a little more than 1 complaint every 2 hours. There are some relationships that have 10 per hour and we wonder why there are so many divorces? Why are there so many negative comments? What is the reason behind all of these negatives? Can a person change or do they want to change? Let's see some of causes, but due to size restraints and time this is only a brief overview. A relationship is a contractual agreement between 2 parties mostly by the act of committing to one another. When ever someone has failed in their part of the relationship a vast array of emotions begin to arise. Some of those are anger, pain, heartache, jealousy, rage, revenge and a host of others emotions. Some people begin to sift through these feelings and many are subdued and forgotten. For others the battle has just begun as they find certain feelings and latch on to them. They are not forgotten and erased. Some will put these on the shelf of their mind to bring out and use at a later time, while others go into immediate attack mode. They are hurt and feeling belittled and now want to lash out. Sometimes people feel better by putting down or inflicting pain on those around them. Some times we feel bigger and stronger when we put others down that are around us. The need for dominance and control are factors that are within us as we need the feeling of being in control. What ever the driving force behind these reactions it is an attempt to cover, hide, or repair damaging conflicts within us. There is a fine line between love and hate when dealing with those who are close to us. Early on in a relationship we are very understanding and forgiving to those we are committing to. Somewhere along the journey, we change our standards and expectations. Now the rules of engagement have changed and our partners are not aware of this and many times neither are we. We feel we are totally normal and wonder how could someone change so much? In reality 50% of the change exhibited in the relationship is in our thoughts, feelings, and expectations. Soon it appears that either that person changes or else. We make it a project to change what is considered unacceptable and this is brought on by our negative thoughts, deeds, actions, and verbal assault. This is like trying to kill a fly with a hammer, you may get the task completed but how much damage is inflicted in the process? Once the verbal assault has been engaged the partner will address that in two ways. The first will be internal, how does it make them feel and how do they perceive you. The second area is external, in which, how do they react towards you. Is it conflict or withdraw? 9 negatives or less a day and the relationship can overcome but 10 or above seems to be a line that changes relationships. It is something that happens in a relationship without us knowing don't understand why. We know things have changed but we only see our partners fault in this situation. We need to seek the fault in both parties and communication must be engaged immediately. There is no true single fault here as both parties are guilty by either engagement or lack of engagement. Unless change is implemented, the end result will be the death of the relationship. It may last due to commitment, but the joy and life of the relationship will be dead. briansmith1222.wordpress.com is where my main blog is and you can learn much more there. To get information to help you go to htt://freshstartsolutions.gr8.com and start receiving tips and advice to help you in your relationship success!